They are strange beings, these lexicographers.
– John Brown (1810-82)
Say It As It Is:
1001: Global Granary Lexicon
Here are a list of words that the Oxford Dictionary and the likes should have included in their catalogues of contemporary word meanings.
The words below have been defined by the finest minds that ever lived. LOL
Global Granary is collating all these words for posterity. 😉
If you do happen to know some witty definitions, kindly let us know so we may add then to our Lexicon.
Cheers
GlobalGranary.Org
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A
Alimony: the cash surrender value of a husband.
– Anonymous
An ambassador is an honest man sent to lie abroad for the good of his country.
– Henry Wooton (1568-1639)
Anger is really disappointed hope.
– Erica Jong
Autobiography: an obituary in serial form with the last instalment missing.
– Quentin Crisp
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B
A bank is a place that will lend you money if you can prove that you don’t need it.
– Bob Hope
A banker is a fellow who lends you his umbrella when the sun is shining, but wants it back the minute it begins to rain.
– Mark Twain
Brandy, n. A cordial composed of one part thunder-and-lightning, one part remorse, two parts bloody murder, one part death-hell-and-the-grave and four parts clarified Satan.
~Ambrose Bierce
Buffet: a French word that mean, “Get up and get it yourself.”
– Ron Dentinger
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C
Canapé: a sandwich cut into 24 pieces.
– Billy Rose
Capitalism is the legitimate racket of the ruling classes.
– Al Capone
…
Caricature: putting the face of a joke upon the body of a truth.
– Joseph Conrad
Cauliflower is nothing but a cabbage with college education.
– Mark Twain
Chef: any cook who swears in French.
– Henry Beard
…
A conference is just an admission that you want somebody to join you in your troubles.
– Will Rogers
Coward: One who, in a perilous emergency, thinks with his legs.
~Ambrose Bierce
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D
Diplomat: a man who thinks twice before saying nothing.
– Frederick Sawyer
Divorce is the future tense of marriage.
– Anon
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E
Editor: a person employed by a newspaper, whose business it is to separate the wheat from the chaff, and to see that the chaff is printed.
– Elbert Hubbard
Etc. – a sign used to make people believe you know more than you are telling them.
– Herbert V. Prochnow
An expert is a man who has made all the mistakes which can be made in a very narrow field.
-Niels Bohr
Euphemisms are unpleasant truths wearing diplomatic cologne.
– Quentin Crisp (from manners from heaven)
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F
A fanatic is one who can’t change his mind and won’t change the subject.
~Winston Churchill
Flirtation: Attention without intention.
– Paul Blouet
Freedom is a clear conscience.
– Periander
Fudge is a noun, a verb, an interjection, and delicious.
– Jessi Lane Adams
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G
A gossip is a person who syndicates his conversation.
—Dick Dickinson.
A gourmet who thinks of calories is like a tart who looks at her watch.
– James Beard
Grammar is the grave of letters.
– Elbert Hubbard
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H
Hammer: an instrument for smashing the human thumb.
– Ambrose Bierce
Happiness: a good bank account, a good cook and a good digestion.
– Jean-Jacques Rousseau
A historian is a prophet in reverse.
– Friedrich von Schlegel
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L
Laziness: the habit of resting before fatigue sets in.
– Jules Renard
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M
Man – a creature created at the end of a work week when God was tired.
– Mark Twain
Marriage: A word which should be pronounced “mirage.” ~Herbert Spencer
A memorandum is written not to inform the reader but to protect the writer.
– Dean Acheson
Middle age is when narrowness of the waist and broadness of the mind change places.
– It’s a wonderful life; a smile for each day of 2014 🙂
Mistress: something between a mister and a mattress.
~Author Unknown
Money is human happiness in the abstract.
– Arthur Schonpenhauer
Myths … gossip grown old.
– R.P. Blackmur
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O
Opera is when a guy gets stabbled in the back and, instead of bleeding, he sings.
– Ed Gardner (1901-63)
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P
Pandemonium. This word was coined or originated from John Milton’s Paradise Lost. Pandemonium is the place of all demons and chaos.
A paranoid is a man who knows a little of what’s going on.
– William Burroughs
A pessimist is a man who lives with an optimist.
—Francis Wilson
Pride is the direct appreciation of oneself.
– Arthur Schopenhauer
Procrastination is the art of keeping up with yesterday.
– Don Marquis, American humorist
Prudence reproaches; conscience accuses.
– Immanuel Kant
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R
Reality is that which, when you stop believing in it, doesn’t go away.
– Philip K. Dick
A recession is when my neighbour loses his job. A depression is when I lose my job. A panic is when my wife loses her job.
– Edgar R Fiedler
Roadkill: a roast with a lingering hint of tarmac.
– Sandi Toksvig
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S
Sculpture is the stuff you trip over when you are backing up trying to look at a painting.
– Jules Olitski
Scepticism is the first step towards truth.
– Denis Diderot
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U
A university is what a college becomes when the faculty loses interest in students.
– John Ciardi
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V
Vocation: any badly-paid job which someone has taken out of choice.
– Mike Barfield
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W
Wine Snob – a man or woman who drinks the label and the price.
– Olof Wijk
Wisdom is divided into two parts: (a) having a great deal to say, and (b) not saying it.
– Anonymous
Woman: a diet waiting to happen.
– Serena Gray