P. J. O’Rourke

Patrick Jake “P. J.” O’Rourke (born November 14, 1947) is an American political satirist, journalist, writer, and author

Always read stuff that will make you look good if you die in the middle of it.
– P.J. O’Rourke

Cockfighting has always been my idea of a great sport – two armed entrees battling to see who’ll be dinner.
– P.J. O’Rourke
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Every government is a parliament of whores. The trouble is, in a democracy the whores are us.
– P.J. O’Rourke
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Family love is messy, clinging, and of an annoying and repetitive pattern, like bad wallpaper.
– P.J. O’Rourke

If meat is murder, does that mean eggs are rape?
– P.J. O’Rourke

Never wear anything that panics the cat.
– P.J. O’Rourke

The only good vegetable is Tabasco sauce.
– P.J. O’Rourke
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There’s no such thing as a foreign language. The world is just filled with people who grunt and squeak instead of speaking sensibly. But since it’s impossible to figure out what French people are saying, we’ll never know for sure.
– P. J. O’Rourke
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The French are masters of ‘the dog ate my homework’ school of diplomatic relations.
– P J O’Rourke
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Veal is very young beef and, like a young girlfriend, it’s cute but boring and expensive.
– P.J. O’Rourke
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We spend all day broadcasting on radio and TV telling people back home what’s happening here. And we learn what’s happening here by spending all day monitoring the radio and TV broadcasts from back home.
– P.J. O’Rourke (Gulf diary)
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Weren’t the eighties grand?  Cash grew on trees or anyway, coca bushes.  The rich roamed the land in vast herds hunted by proud, free tribes of investment brokers who lived a simple life in tune with money.
– P J O’Rourke
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Whatever it is that the government does, sensible Americans would prefer that the government do it to somebody else. This is the idea behind foreign policy.
– P.J. O’Rourke
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Worship of nature may be ancient, but seeing nature as cuddlesome, hug-a-bear and too cute for words is strictly a modern fashion.
– P. J. O’Rourke
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You can’t put your VISA bill on your American Express card.
– P.J. O’Rourke